5.26.2011

Type II Diabetes



Last night I spent 5 hours in the ER.


Visited 2 Doctors. Family Physician & OB.


They think I have Type II Diabetes. They gave me Rx for a meter. I have to check my blood sugar every day up to my appointment in June.


They will go from there. I have had so much going on in my life.


1. My husband wanting a 'trial seperation' for 6 months.

2. Irregular bleeding / menstrual cycle.

3. Stress.

4. Side and upper abdominal pain.

5. Nose bleeds.

6. Coughing up blood.

7. Bloody stool.

8. Yeah...you name it, I've had it in the past few months. Uggh.


They will be checking me in 2 months to make sure that my irregular bleeding isn't coming from my birth control...if it is, then I switch...if it isn't, then something else is wrong. Grrreaat.


*sigh*


I am on stress overload these days. I know God will take care of me.


I am at my limit, that is for sure.

5.24.2011

Should I Stay or Go?

(picture via annemariephotography on deviantart - bing.com)


So a decision has been made. Sort of.



Estimated wait time: 6 months



This will be a long 6 months. I know God will see me through though. I have no doubts about that. In time - healing will come.



"Those who love your instructions have great peace and do not stumble." - Psalm 119:165




5.23.2011

Have you ever been lost?

Have you ever felt confused?




Like, so confused, that you don't know if the next decision someone makes for you will shatter the world, or will bring world peace?




I feel that way. I have been thrown back and forth soooo many times that I am beginning to understand what it feels like to be on that 'fair' ride, The Scrambler. Ya know what I mean?




I can't stand it when people can't make up their mind. Especially when it is a decision that is life-altering. It is either Yes or No. Simple as that.




Yet, so many times people will say, "It is complicated". Well, yes, it may be.




LIFE is complicated. Who's isn't?




However, if you truly love someone, then that should be all that matters.




I wish I could make things easier for myself. For my family. I wish I didn't have to sit back and wait for someone else to make up their mind. *sigh*




I know in time, God will bring peace. And healing. I pray for patience every day. It is so hard to be patient in a situation like this.




Today I pray for guidance. Peace. (mostly peace)




I want to live and be at peace, without being hurt. Without having my heart ripped to shreads every other day.




Not only am I going through all of this, but now I am having health issues that have risen out of nowhere.




I guess, when it rains...it pours.




*****




With all of that being said.




I am grateful to God for His many blessings. I have a wonderful family.




Two beautiful boys. Loving, supportive parents. A great best friend.


And most of ALL - God. He is my rock. My fortress. To Him...I owe everything.




Lord - help me get through this. Give me patience, guidance, and speak to me, and through me. Lift me up and comfort me. Give me the words to speak. And save me from torture from this situation. Bring us together. Mend us. Make us whole again. Please. - Amen.


*edit*


So I looked through one of the books I have been reading, and I wanted to share this. Because, it is helping me...and I figured if it could help me, it might just help somone else that may need it.


(via The New Bible Cure For Depression & Anxiety )


JOY-FILLED LIVING WITH NEW THOUGHT PATTERNS


Ch. 3 involves the title above.


It all starts with your thoughts.


Once you start believing that something is possible, the likelihood of your taking the action to achieve that goal will greatly increase.... Thinking influences your feelings and behaviors, as well as your physical body.... That is why we must begin thinking in God's ways, not our own.


Your thinking is as vital to your spiritual life as breathing is to your physical life. Because it affects everything you do, your thinking is the way God carries out His plans in your life.


(another book recommended is Fourth Dimensional Living in a Three Dimensional World )


Tune in to your feelings and begin to capture anxiety-provoking thoughts and beliefs, you can then replace these automatic thoughts and beliefs with God's Word, which will resolve both depression and anxiety. You can literally change your thinking and change your life. Feelings can then alert you to what you are thinking, which is usually at the root of your anxiety.


When you operate from preset beliefs, you feel anxious without even knowing why. In other words, you react before you think.


When anxious feelings occur, to track your anxiety triggers, thoughts, and beliefs. Then as you reprogram these thoughts and beliefs, anxiety will subside and eventually go.


Romans 8: 5-6 says, "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace."


I love that verse. Enough said.


Worldy mind-sets lead to depression and anxiety, but spiritual mind-sets lead to life and peace. Peace is the opposite of anxiety, and we can develop peace by reprogramming and tearing down all mind-sets or strongholds contrary to God's Word and replacing them with scriptures.


If your parents programmed your life with praise, contentment, gratitude, love, joy, you are likely to go through life with these types of attitudes and expectations.


Ephesians 4:21-24


...."throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God-truly righteous and holy."


But if your parents programmed your life with worry, you will be prone to worry; if they programmed it with fear, your automatic reaction is fear; if they programmed it with expecting the worst, you will expect the worst. (don't blame your parents, this is to simply understand that we are all programmed by someone or something through life...through 'teaching'.)


When Christians are born again, we receive Christ's forgiveness for our sins and invite Him into our hearts, but many Christians never purge the bad software from their minds even though the virus of sin has been removed. Replace those bad thoughts and feelings with the Word of God until God's thoughts and beliefs are automatic in our minds and in our hearts.


I wholeheartedly believe that these negative thought processes and toxic emotions are at the root of many diseases and health problems. Practice contentment, gratitude, and joy to literally insulate the heart and mind from anxiety and depression.


(some information on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy - still from Ch. 3)


In cognitive-behavioral therapy, a patient learns to examine his thinking and question any negative beliefs, assumptions, or feelings. When negative thought patterns -- "If something bad is going to happen, it will happen to me" -- are broken, the painful expectations that accompany them lose their self-fulfilling power, and most people experience a dramatic improvement.


*****


To defeat these strongholds, you have to learn to recognize and pull up these 'weeds' and then plant the "incorruptible seed" fof God's Word, which prevents more weeds from growing.


When the seed of the Word of God is planted in your mind and heart, it literally produces a harvest of peace, joy, gratitude, and all of the remaining fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23)


(Two other books I'd recommend: Stress Less and Deadly Emotions. Both by (and including this one I'm reading) Don Colbert, MD)


Distortional Thought Patterns


"What if" thinking. (boy do I have alot of this.)


ex. What if I lose my job?


What if thinking breeds anxiety and fear. If you focus on "what if", your fear grows; however, if you focus on God's Word, your fear goes. Eliminate this "what if" thinking. It shatters faith, and without faith, it is impossible to please God.


Learn to replace "what if" with what God's Word says: God always causes me to triumph. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If God be fore me, who can be against me? God makes all things to work together for good to those who love Him. God is working on your behalf. These are promises in His Word, and you know you can count on them.


Every time you speak what God's Word says, it is similar to planting a seed in a garden. Every time you confess God's Word, it's similar to watering your planted seed. But every time you say, "What if," it is similar to digging up the seed you planted. So stop saying, "What if?"


I confess that all things are possible to those who believe. I realize that "what if" thing and "what if" words destroy faith, and without faith it is impossible to please God. I refuse to dig up the precious seeds of God's promises by speaking "what if." Instead, I will speak God's promises and ask myself, "What does God's Word say?"


*****


I have alot more that I would love to share. However, my almost 4 year old has other plans. lol. I will try and share more later. This was just laying on my heart, and I love this author. He is amazing. Very inspiring. I hope this maybe helps someone out there in the blogging world today...


Have a great evening everyone!

5.22.2011

Broken Trust



How can a person tear your heart to shreds. Glue it back together. Rip it open. Sew it back. Hammer it to pieces. Mend it. Then set it on fire and burn it to ash. AGAIN?


I don't get it.


I try to understand. My life feels so out of step. I just don't know what to do next.


The Lord is helping me. Guiding me. I have forgiven when forgiveness isn't deserved.


I didn't 'deserve' forgiveness from Jesus...but he died for me anyway and forgave me.


I am trying to be more like Christ. I pray He will continue to help me along this horrific path I am on.


Give me light, Oh Lord!


5.21.2011

Peace Comes To Those Who Seek God

Wow. I have learned alot in the past couple of months. In the past few weeks. Past couple of days. Today. Wow. Who knew a person could learn so much in such a short period of time.


I have never talked to God so much in my entire life. I am a praying woman. I attend church. I have a personal relationship with my saviour, Jesus Christ. But we have never, ever, ever been this close.


I don't know if you have ever had a moment like this in your life. But - today, I honestly felt God's presence in the room with me. I felt Him moving all around me. I felt Him speaking to me, and through me. I have never been more close to Him.


I feel renewed.


I have been going through something that I never thought I would have ever faced in my entire lifetime. I went through it. For a month and a half. Solid. But it had been happening over the course of 5 or so years... But now, things have settled down. Things were talked out. Hashed out. And 'nipped in the bud', so to speak.


Scriptures were read and quoted. Prayers were answered. I was moved. Spiritually.


I can't thank everyone enough - for our family and our friends out there - who have been praying for us these past few weeks. It has been a super rough time for all of us.


I am so grateful to have so many people in my life to pray for me. For my family. *smiles*


You all make me smile.


My prayers have been answered. Trust has been brought back to my life.


Things have changed. Life has changed.


But now? It is for the better.


Things can only get better.


- God, thank you for your blessings, your Almighty power that you spread throughout my life on a daily basis. Especially today. For You, I am eternally grateful. I love you. Amen. -


I hope everyone is having and will continue to have, a great weekend.




5.14.2011

Happy (belated) 25th Birthday Robert Pattinson!



: Happy Birthday to Rob! :


Okay. So today was pretty spectacular. My best friend and I had our 'girl's day' out and we shopped till we dropped...literally. We ate some great food at Chick-fil-A. And watched one of my favorite movies, "Water for Elephants". *smiles* Today has been wonderful.


I also found some great deals at AE. I got a mini skirt, tank, v-neck tee, 6 pieces of jewelry, and a bottle of perfume, for $40! (I had a 40% off coupon for my entire purchase, and the jewelry was 3 for $15!! Super deal!!


After our movie, we went home...I thought it was going to be rough. But things are good. For right now atleast. *smiles* Hubby, myself, and boys watched some of Disney's "The Aristocats" and enjoyed some pizza and chips. 20 minutes into the movie and both boys were out asleep. lol. So, they got to bed around 7:30. *smiles*


Mommy and Daddy had some 'alone time'. Thank GOD!


Watched the finale of "The Vampire Diaries" on my DVR...aah...I can't wait till Season 2 is out on dvd! Aah!


Okay...so what are you all doing this weekend? Tomorrow, we plan on staying HOME and resting for a change. Lounging the entire day. We need a break. A break from running all the time. So, we will enjoy our day tomorrow.


'Night ya'll!

5.08.2011

Happy Mother's Day!

: Me and E.J. :


: R.A. and I :


: My mother's day gift from our neighbor *smiles* :

(how sweet, right?)




Today's post comes straight from the heart. I have been going through alot lately. I won't go into it. But it is something that no woman ever wishes she had to go through. No wife. No mother. However, I am dealing with it right now. It is very hard. I have been praying so hard these past few weeks. Few days. I always pray. Many times a day...but these past few weeks, I have never prayed harder.




On the brighter side - I had a good Mother's Day with my boys. Nothing could take that away from me. I honestly didn't feel like attending services today. At all. By any means. However, E's baby dedication was today. So, I did it for him. Then he started his 'teething fuss' afterwards, so we left and took him to Mamaw's...while R.A. , the hubster, and myself went out for Mother's Day lunch. It was nice. I had a good time. It just isn't the same when something so devastating is happening in your life. It is like when someone dies around you, and everyone else is ok...and expects you to be okay too...but your not. You know?



You live in a 'different' world when you are going through something like that. I am getting through it though. R.A. made a craft today for me in Sunday school, and planted a pretty flower and decorating the cup. That made my day. Right there.*smiles* He told me over and over today, "Happy Mother's Day". And "I love you, Mommy". And I didn't have to ask him too. Isn't that what real love is? When someone loves you with no conditions.


God's love is like that. For that, I am truly grateful.


Anyway, on to better, happier things.

...I hope you all enjoyed today's post. Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there!...